It’s funny how your views change as you (and your children) get older; individual wants and needs differ with progress and time so you inevitably find yourself contemplating scenarios you once never thought optional.
Today has been an horrendous day for Jude. He was awful this morning, throwing a wobbly about fifteen minutes before his bus was due to arrive – he spent the forty minutes prior to this running around from room to room, picking things up, putting them down (or throwing them) in random places, pretending to hit Emmeline but not actually doing so (attention seeking I guess). He wanted breakfast but then when I made it I was greeted with the typical for this mood reaction of “no, I don’t want it” and then Jude pushed it away and ran off – all signs that something is brewing.
Sometimes he will pour his food into the bin and then freak out ten minutes later when he asks for his breakfast and you say that it’s in the bin. I literally pray for the arrival of his bus and then either cry from exhaustion or dance around to Hey Duggee with Emmeline depending on how this nightmare has left me emotionally.
This is what we were faced with this morning when his bus arrived.
“Jude, get up your bus is here.”
What can I do? He’s a big boy now and I can’t physically haul him onto his feet. Eventually, he was coaxed into the bus by the escort but its a flippin’ nightmare and happens more often than not these days. By 8.20am each day I’m a broken woman, promising myself that something needs to change for the sake of all of our sanity. I can’t cope with it any more. Literally can’t.
So, following my conversation with one of the council contacts a couple of weeks ago (can’t remember who…you know how I am with all of their roles and functions) I contacted a special needs school that is either full time or weekly boarding, to arrange a viewing. It’s pretty nearby our town and actually looks really beautiful with lots of space and specially trained staff. The lady in admissions sounded lovely, she took a few details about Jude and booked in a visit for me next Tuesday.
What do you all think? Am I the mean, evil, repellent mother that Jude’s father says I am? (yes he said this to me tonight.)
If I’m honest, I’ve been slowly breaking down over these past couple of months because of one thing or another however Jude’s idiot of a father’s predictable insults about how I never want Jude around is like water off a ducks back…been there, heard it all before *yawn*
In my heart of hearts I truly believe that Jude needs more one to one time; he needs the consistency and support that isn’t physically possible at home or in a normal school. He attends a special needs school at present and even in that environment he needs one to one care most of the time because he literally can’t cope with the world around him. Obviously, there are times when he is wonderful, friendly, sweet and chatty but on the flip side Jude can literally be unbearable. He needs professional care. We can’t live in the world within which Jude seems to reside and as a mother of THREE, not just Jude, I have to work out what is best for everyone. I think if Jude could attend a boarding school during the week but came home at weekends then everyone would be a winner. The girls could attend school, have friends over (stress-free) and Jude could have 24/7 support from carers and professional staff. At weekends, we could have fun as a family. Is that really that bad a scenario?
I know children at boarding school and they are very happy, in fact many of them chose to go there. What do you all think?
Antecedently praising this school so highly is of course irrelevant until I have the OK from the council that they’ll fund his attendance. And we all know how much fun that’s going to be, right? Eeeeeekkk