I’m going to go a bit deep and hippy on you all for a little bit as something has been on my mind for a couple of weeks and I’m going to do something about it after I’ve written this all down…

 

I have been considering Elsa a lot recently and thinking about how she is slowly changing into an older girl who will soon enough be a teenager and then an adult. It worries me that experiences she has had as a child may affect her as an adult and was wondering if any of you had thoughts on the matter. We all have experiences both negative and positive in our lives and actually and I would argue that having a fair share of both is healthy; it helps you learn to cope, how to deal with situations and people that may not be such a positive force of energy.

In particular, today I was reading about internal and external experiences; internal being things we physically experience and external being things we observe and take in. Needless to say they can both be positive and negative, it depends on what we allow ourselves to a) acknowledge and b) take in.  So for example, if every day you sit and watch reality TV, soap operas and trash such as all the people on benefits bashing shows Channel 4 keeps plowing out then this is going to impact your lives negatively as you’ll believe that drama of this kind is how life really should be. It isn’t.

 

We are the person we choose to be, formed through day to day witnessings and situations. I have had several rather traumatic experiences in my life and as such, I think I can cope with pretty much anything. In fact, I can’t think of anything that could happen that would dramatically faze me. Is this good or bad? Am I damaged now or just a strong individual? I like to think I am strong because I’ve coped through these ordeals and risen up virtually as a different person. As I read in one book, we all have scars in our memories but can choose to use these scars in creating new and positive familiarities and happenings or we can use them to perpetually feel sorry for ourselves and victimised.

 

I am not what

 

I’ll give you an example; several years ago Jude, Elsa and I were forced to leave our home for almost nine months because their father refused to move out. Literally the minute we walked back through the door I felt like a new person. I had my life back but it was an entirely different life that felt like a new start, I could literally see white light and clarity all around us. It’s funny because I don’t really remember life before that special moment; a man came to change the locks for us and that is now pretty much my earliest adult memory. I think my mind has locked all the bad exposures away somewhere in my brain because they are now entirely irrelevant but has first used them to make me who I am today.

 

I feel it is now my responsibility to help Elsa to use her experiences in a positive way. As a toddler, she witnessed things I’d never want anyone to see and sporadically she mentions things she remembers, even to this present day. Yesterday she reflected on when she occasionally had to sleep over at her paternal grandmothers, I had completely forgotten about this episode (see above!) and in reminding me she said “don’t you remember? When Daddy was forced to get out of our house?”  She’s got so many scars that I want to heal but I think it’s going to take help. I read that we can use our internal and external experiences to influence people, create understanding, feelings, induce love and memories and therefore initiating as many positive interactions as possible through every word and communication we form. This is where I need to encourage Elsa and find positivity influences that she can employ in her own way.

 

Mindfulness – something a couple of friends of mine live by who I will be calling upon to suggest readings for Elsa and possible groups or activities.

We are taught to process our thoughts and deal with emotions by witnessing the actions of stable adults in our lives, those who allow us to feel safe and secure in our decisions. I think Elsa is lucky in that she has a good basis for strength around her so we just need to channel that energy in a way that further helps her. I want her experiences both past and present to be used positively but it’s a topic I know very little about so will research and get back to you with information. I may actually ask one of my friends to do a mini interview on this blog as this is a subject that could help everyone.

 

I’ll leave this image for you – it’s one that has been frequently shared online but it was the first thing that really made me think about mindfulness, initially as it made me laugh but secondly because I am most definitely the person on the left!

 

mindfulness_poster_UK

 

Are you mind full or mindful?

 

A x

 

Tammymum
Quite Frankly She Said Sunday Best

Comments

  • katykicker on

    Bless you. It can be hard sometimes to forget the memories of the past but eventually they do fade away more and more. I’m sure you give Elsa a fantastic life too xx

  • babiesbiscuitsandbooze on

    What an interesting post. You’ve obviously been through a lot as a family but you are taking lots of positive steps to make sure your children can process what happened to them and deal with any negative memories. It sounds like you have a brilliant relationship with Elsa which will stand you both in great stead. #FamilyFun

  • Alana – Burnished Chaos on

    I definitely think we can use our past scars to build a better future and it sounds like you have this in hand, you’re daughter sounds incredibly lucky to have you looking out for her in this way. I always try to be more mindful but must confess I am definitely more mind full. I’ll be really interested in reading that mini interview x
    #FamilyFun

  • twotinyhands on

    Wow you sound like you’ve been through a lot. I can’t imagine what that’d have been like. I think as long as you are positive and share your thoughts and discussion as a family that you and your daughter will flourish. That interview would be great on the blog. Thanks for linking up to #familyfun

  • tammymum on

    Ah I think I’ve commented on your Facebook so I won’t repeat myself. Like I said though I think mindfulness is fab and definirtky worth looking into . Thanks for sharing at #familyfun xx

  • Amie Richards on

    I really admire how positive you are and how you’re making steps to change and influence your daughters life and negative memories for the better. Thankyou for sharing #SundayBest

  • Sarah – mud cakes and wine on

    Really interesting post, we had a time when growing up when we went through a lot and our mum the constant got us through it and both my sister and I are happy adults married with children, something maybe mum wondered would happen. Look forward to the mini interviews #sundaybest

  • Sian QuiteFranklySheSaid on

    I’ve been reading up on mindfulness recently and definitely want to use it in my life more. My brain is so heavy and overloaded! Thanks for linking up to #SundayBest x

    • admin on

      Agreed, so is mine it’s ridiculous because in reality how much of this information is important?!

  • Hayley Mclean on

    I’m definitely more mind full than mindful, but I think there are a lot of factors involved in these sorts of things…I definitely allow things to stay with me and negatively effect me but then I suffer with anxiety disorder and Hey Thanks for joining us at #SundayBest, the linky is open again now until Wednesday – would love to see you there again! x

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