Confidence
Do you have any? I don’t. I wish I did but it’s something I certainly have never been gifted with. I think I’m a lot better than I used to be as a child but when it comes to self-belief, I’m not your woman!
As a child I hated school. I didn’t hate the work although I remember thinking how crap I was at every subject. The reason I hated school was mostly because of all the confident kids in our class. It’s not their fault, really I’m not blaming them but when everyone was laughing and joking around I’d be sitting there like a wallflower dreading being told off by the teacher (I’d feel sick with fear about this every day.) And the thought of being chosen to reading out loud in front of everyone was literally my worst nightmare. I wasn’t told off very often but when I was, it hit me really hard and my self-confidence would crash even further than before.
Nowadays, I can be confident at some things. Or perhaps confidence isn’t the right word, it’s more a matter of being able to stand up for myself a little better and I can thank Jude for that, for sure. So when it comes to Jude or anything disability related, I’d happily stand up in front of a huge crowd and talk about everything I have learnt. BUT there are many areas of life where I still eminently struggle.
Work. I’ve turned down so many opportunities because at the last minute that deplorable self doubt has crept into my brain and destroyed any positive notions I had about my capabilities. A while ago I went for a job that I really, really wanted. Initial interview was fab, they invited me back; second interview was with the company owners and that went swimmingly; third interview and a timed written test (content writer role) and I completely nailed it. Even I was stunned at the piece of writing I came out with (I wish I’d kept it actually…)
A few days later, they offered me the job. I was thrilled! “Yay I’m not a moron!” I thought to myself. Then the doubt kicked in and I started to think about how selfish I was taking on a job like this and how I’d be neglecting my children to a terrible extent. How awful of me, why don’t I think of everyone else in the family. I started to go over the job content and all those tiny little bits that I wasn’t certain I’d be great at. I started to think about how silly I’d look when I didn’t understand a particular task I was given.
So I turned them down. I think they were as amazed as I was because communication had all been so perfect up until then. Even now, I kick myself about what I did. Yes, the childcare was going to be a nightmare as Jude hadn’t yet been offered this school place but we could have coped somehow. I’m such an IDIOT!
But it’s my confidence. I always have that attitude of why should I deserve something for myself? What if I look stupid in front of everyone when I have to ask a moronic question?
I put it partly down to the emotional drubbing I took from Jude and Elsa’s father but I can’t be entirely driven by that excuse as I was never confident in the first place. It certainly didn’t help, not one bit but as a grown up I have to take responsibility for my own mind.
I asked a few friends of mine how they have overcome confidence issues and this is what they offered:
Cass explained that she took some sessions with a life coach who was able to rationalise some of her fears and navigate her thought processes onto a more positive route. Similar to this, Elizabeth saw a counsellor and found that after a few sessions, the energy and beliefs that the counsellor exuded began to rub off on her own train of thought and inevitably her self-belief.
Sophie mentioned her focus on positive affirmations, meditation and ensuring she started to look after herself properly. Sophie realised that it was merely herself standing in her own way so really threw herself into improving her mindset.
Here are some positive affirmations I found online! Which should I pick to be this weeks mantra?!
- I am the architect of my life; I build its foundation and choose its contents.
- My body is healthy; my mind is brilliant; my soul is tranquil.
- I have been given endless talents which I begin to utilize today.
- I forgive those who have harmed me in my past and peacefully detach from them.
- A river of compassion washes away my anger and replaces it with love.
- I am guided in my every step by Spirit who leads me towards what I must know and do.
- I possess the qualities needed to be extremely successful.
- Creative energy surges through me and leads me to new and brilliant ideas.
- Happiness is a choice. I base my happiness on my own accomplishments and the blessings I’ve been given.
- My ability to conquer my challenges is limitless; my potential to succeed is infinite.
- I am courageous and I stand up for myself.
- My thoughts are filled with positivity and my life is plentiful with prosperity.
- Today, I abandon my old habits and take up new, more positive ones.
- Many people look up to me and recognize my worth; I am admired.
- I am blessed with an incredible family and wonderful friends.
- I acknowledge my own self-worth; my confidence is soaring.
Emma gave me a quote – “Do one thing every day that scares you.” You don’t know what opportunities you will encounter each day; they could be small interpersonal, everyday situations or larger, more fundamental occurrences like being offered an amazing job (that’ll be me!) and it’s up to YOU to decide how you tackle these.
Similarly to Emma’s quote, Lisa mentioned taking small steps towards a goal, nothing too big and scary. And by always talking things issues with someone close to you, those small steps will eventually lead to what you really want to achieve.
So there we have it. Do you have know anyone with bags of confidence? I’d love to hear how you have overcome any personal self-belief issues yourself.
A x
