My SEN Officer rang on Thursday to tell me something astonishing. It’s astonishing because we seem to have reached a place within this journey/matrix/adventure/life lesson/massive dichotomous mess *pick as you please* where things are starting to occur without me having to prod them along. It appears I no longer require my beating stick at every laborious stage of progress just in case one of my professionals thinks I have reached a level of complacency where they can focus their attention on another case.
Anyway, she called to tell me that Jude’s case is returning to the multi-agency panel this week (Tuesday) with my two new suggested schools at the helm, awaiting confirmation that they can be pursued.
Prior to this, I found out that the school I initially really wanted for Jude is apparently full and the second school that was suggested by the Panel doesn’t think they can meet Jude’s needs. I totally agree. It would never have been the right school for Jude but seeing as it is a government funded state school, it would have cost the council very little in comparison to the school I wanted so naturally they put it forward in the mix. So two schools down and none left on our preferred list, I had to come up with some more suggestions. And following a chat with my Social Worker late last week, we decided upon two boarding schools as realistically any potentially viable day place wouldn’t work for Jude and his inability to cope with transitions.
So this week Panel are re-looking at his case with the new school suggestions to decide whether Jude is worthy of the education he needs.
I’m not sure if I’m optimistic. I guess after the shock of their initial refusal to fund a boarding place for Jude, I’m erring on the side of caution and not getting my hopes up. I have to say that my SEN Officers have been amazing over the last few months and really helped in every way they can. I know it’s their job and they should do this but I’ve encountered so many that just don’t care. It’s great to feel that someone understands what I’m talking about and doesn’t judge me (like my old Social Worker clearly did). They clearly believe that our end goals for Jude at this stage in his life is the best route to take for his wellbeing and overall happiness.
But now I have that feeling I imagine every parent feels throughout life. Guilt. It goes against every maternal instinct I have to try and find Jude a boarding school place; it almost feels like a failing on my part. I can’t cope with him so need someone else to do it for me. I know deep down that this is ridiculous. And following mornings like today where Jude wakes up several times in the night and then finally at 4am to tantrum until gone 6am because he is panicking about the new week of school and the supposedly imminent arrival of his school bus, I have that reaffirmation that we’re doing the best thing.
I also have a few new bruises to add to my collection following his flailings which is something I desperately try to protect the girls from. He doesn’t know what he’s doing but when he randomly kicks off and has a meltdown, if you’re standing nearby and you’re only two years old then it’s going to hurt. I can’t maintain this defence forever and pretty soon, Jude will be too big for me to handle. Though saying that, I’m pretty strong for a scrawn so you never know…maybe defence is my superpower.
Anyway, I’ll let you know the outcome of this weeks panel. A xx