Jude is a massive attention seeker. I have been trying to work out when it started and I think it was probably around the time he realised his sister (Elsa) was here to stay. As horrible as it sounds, she is everything he isn’t and because of that, she gets a lot of attention from everyone. I guess it’s natural to relinquish praise and adoration on a little girl who walked early, fed herself with no teaching, read at an early age, decided one day she didn’t want to wear nappies and never looked back, etc. But it is also natural, if you are this child’s sibling, to harbour massive jealousy! When Emmeline was born, I think Jude had a moment of déjà vu inspired panic as he kept asking “is she going home soon?” Sorry dude, no.

Jude’s self-esteem has never been great and Elsa’s arrival certainly didn’t help in the way it maybe could have. I have huge regrets about not seeking support in the form of social activities for Jude earlier but I think the combination of hospital/therapy appointments for him whilst having a new baby (and being in the middle of doing my degree) meant day to day life kind of took away all my spare time. Is it too late to undo the damage? I have no idea but I know I will always feel like I haven’t done enough for him. I guess it is fairly natural as a parent to suppress an element of guilt as to whether you are doing enough; “mother’s guilt” I’ve heard it referred as, but in the case of having a disabled child, magnify that by about a million.

A pretty old article but I found it interesting nonetheless…have a looky if you like:

A x

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