I posted a short video on Instagram today of Jude waiting for his school bus and repeatedly asking me his standard pre-bus arriving questions. It dawned on me how visible his anxiety can be so over the next week or so I’m going to document how it manifests and develops into a full blown melt down.
This afternoon, Jude came home from school pretty happy. Things were fine but I could see he was a bit fidgety and unable to rest and eventually, he progressed onto his “I want it, I don’t want it” game where he keeps saying he’d like something (an ice lolly on this occasion) but then when you try to offer him one he doesn’t want it and starts freaking out.
Jude displays his anxiety but rubbing his arms, looking down and away from you, all of a sudden crying in a panicked way, random screaming outbursts, flapping his arms, pacing, moving erratically around the house in a meaningless way. He sits on the floor, hugs his knees and rocks. As his anxiety develops in the evening when I’ve put him in bed, he chatters in a non-sensical way as if he’s building himself up for something. When Jude is experiencing his anxiety, no amount of calming will help him, it’s almost as if you have to antagonise him to get it out of his system. The inevitable outburst which is so horrible to witness but almost like a release to Jude.
I posted this video on my YouTube channel today. It shows the very early stages of Jude’s anxiety where he starting to play his “I want it, I don’t want it” game. I use the words “play” and “game” loosely as obviously it is neither fun nor intentional on his part. It may appear as if I’m over-asking the questions but I just did it to highlight this stage as best I could.
Would love your thoughts.