I have to say, I am glad when the holidays are over and Jude is back at school. He hates the lack of routine, knowing what’s going on plus he needs the constant stimulation that he gets from the teachers. At home, he doesn’t know what to do with himself so just rushes around the house, moving things, playing in his room a bit, rushing round a bit more. It’s draining. What I learnt from just watching Jude this holiday is that he is entirely in his own little world. He doesn’t see people around him the same way we do; he knows what he needs to fulfil his funny little habits and until that happens, he is visibly anxious and stressed. His repetitive actions, I think they are called “isms” in the autistic world but I may be wrong, are both bizarre and fascinating to watch. He doesn’t understand anything around him in the manner that we do and I find it really sad now that I realise this. He has a developmental delay so his understanding is limited anyway but add to that the (still undiagnosed!) autism and you have a whirlwind of randomness and a complete unawareness of things like embarrassment, self-consciousness and the like. In a way, I suppose that’s a nice thing, something we should all probably aspire to. Why do we feel self-conscious when we want to do something that no-one else is doing? On the otherhand, I want him to experience things as his sisters do and will and I want him to have a life that he can take charge of. Anyway, he’s back where he’s happiest now, school. Hopefully this will be a good half term and I can be organised enough to plan plenty of activities for the summer holidays.